Sunday, 6 March 2016

Mothers' Day 2016


This is I the last photo I have of me with my mother,  at my sister's wedding in July 2003.  I think she is smiling as we are watching Kate aged 3 who was bridesmaid that day.

It's nearly 12 years since my mother Sadie died now and I still miss her terribly.  On Mothers' Day when friends are making a fuss of their mothers, I am jealous and so sad we lost her so young.  The first year after her death I recall crying in Morrison's when I saw the display of cards and it hit that for the first time I wouldn't be buying one.

I've just discovered that I had already written in June 2013 the post I'd planned about her while lying in bed this morning.  I'm finding that about the blog recently as I've written a few repeat posts - the snowdrops at Ness Gardens in my last post for instance.  And I notice that in my five year line-a-day diary, which is now on its second year, that this week's entries are almost identical to the same week last year.  These repetitions and routines are comforting and familiar but sometimes lull us into a false sense of security.  I feel the need to shake myself awake and remind myself that things do change and the loss of those we love is inevitable. This line from 'Stop all the Clocks' by W.H Auden comes to mind:

 'I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.'

I think it's the directness of the line which makes it so powerful.

On this Mothers' Day, I'm going to stop fussing about the usual stuff.  I won't fill my day with chores, as I often do, or get lost in lesson preparation and getting ahead for the week.  I'm going to spend the day giving my full attention to my husband and daughter who are now beginning to emerge this morning, so I'll finish here.

I love this photograph of us celebrating Mum's 70th birthday with Dad, Kate aged 2 and her cousin Alice





6 comments:

  1. My Mother is gone too and I remember walking into a store at Christmas time and crying because I'd never have another Christmas with her. But I have my memories.
    Happy Mother's Day to you.

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  2. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I forget who said that. Sadly, I have no such relationship with my mother and it's made me all the more determined not to end up like that with my own children. You have some happy memories, Doris and it was a delight to read about your mum's career as a post mistress. xx

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  3. I hope you had a lovely day with your family. It looks like your mum is helping to blow out the candles on the cake. Such a wonderful memory. xx

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  4. I am sorry that it is such a sad day for you. I cannot imagine how you feel, but I know my own sadness of not being a Mum on Mothers Day so I sort of get it. Hugs to you! xx

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  5. Hey Doris,
    I'm slowly catching up with my blog reading, after an unintentional mini blog break. My husband is always sad on Mother's Day, having lost his own Mum five years ago to cancer. So we don't really celebrate it here anymore. Sending love.
    Leanne xx

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  6. A hard day for those of us who have lost our mothers.

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