I’ve seen a lot of Kate of recently, much more than last year, since she’s been living at home since lockdown began in March. She’s 20 now, 21 in October and so properly grown up so it’s been hard for her to return to living at home after being independent for over a year. Hard for us too negotiating new boundaries and trying not to get irritated by the trivial stuff like the leaving open of kitchen cupboard doors - I’m better at this than her dad. Even though we’ve had occasional grumpiness, having her here been one of the bonuses of lockdown. She arrived accompanied by her boyfriend, Calum, and he has fitted in very well, even when confronted by the worst excesses of family bad behaviour. (I’m including myself in this as I can be very snappy if I’ve had a bad night’s sleep, a rather too frequent occurrence recently.)
Kate has now finished her second year at Sheffield University where she is studying History and Politics. Having missed a great chunk of university life this year and also concerned about the unpromising jobs market, she’s considering doing a MA when she finishes next year. At least she is going to have some face to face teaching on her course and so will be going back to Sheffield in September. I’ll miss her as I’ve got used to having her around again. Clearing up the devastation her dad leaves behind after dinner is more fun when she’s there and we are kitchen dancing along to her Spotify playlist, fuelled by M&S mojitos from a can. She offers opinions on my clothing choices, plucks my eyebrows as I can’t see to do it, and this week helped me choose new glasses as apparently my old ones, as well as being bent and having puppy teeth marks on the frame, were ‘too old lady’. We watch rubbishy TV together - something on Prime called The Amazing Mrs Maisel is a current favourite. I draw the line at The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills so she’s persuaded her boyfriend to watch that with her when she can drag him off his X-box. Now he’s a fan, it seems.
We’ve also had a few outings recently, though both of us are still a bit Covid cautious. She’s become more tolerant of my garden visiting and accompanied me to Tattenhall Hall on a NGS opening. We’ve not bothered so much about shopping trips though there has been plenty of comfort clothes buying with Asos parcels arriving rather too frequently for someone supposedly living on a maintenance loan. I have been spending unwisely too though my purchases are more often things to adorn the garden. This week we went blackberry picking and I recited the Seamus Heaney poem about this to her en route, misquoting wildly. She says she misses studying English Lit and has had time to read for pleasure, choosing ‘The Beekeeper of Aleppo’ which she said reminded her a little of ‘The Kite Runner’ which she loved when studying it for A Level. We’re planning a few more trips in the next few weeks before she goes back, including an overnight stay in Conwy, North Wales to replace our planned trip to Palma which had to be cancelled.
Kate loves dogs and really misses our lovely Irish Terrier, Ronan, who we lost last year. He was very much her dog. Booshka, our White Swiss Shepherd is without question Paul’s dog. She (the dog) likes having Kate and Calum here. Kate lies on the floor with her, cuddles her and scratches her belly. Occasionally this leads to overexcitement, squealing and puppy biting and then Kate compares her unfavourably to Ronan who, she says, would never bite like this. Fortunately Calum also loves dogs, though is perhaps not so keen on the white hairs that he sometimes finds in his dinner. Paul and I have no doubt consumed many of these as our eyesight is too poor to spot them.
Kate can be quite a demanding daughter and this isn’t about her asking for stuff. What she wants is my attention, lots of it. It was the same when she was little. I don’t recall my mother ever playing with us, yet I’d spend hours playing with her in the Tweenies pop up tent, or dressing Polly Pockets in tiny rubbery outfits or playing games based on the Rainbow Fairies books. But then my mother had four other daughters, whereas Kate is an only child. As my sister once remarked as she watched some fairly spectacular toddler bad behaviour, Kate knows I’d do anything for her. She was right and it hasn’t really changed. I have plenty of time to spend with her so this is fine with me. And I’m conscious that she’ll be going again soon so am making the most of this unexpected time together.
Kate sounds like an amazing young woman, it is lovely to read about her and your mother-daughter relationship. Thanks for sharing this very personal side of you xx
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